The trouble with everything

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Can you spot what the spellchecker changed?

Cellists are not a health threat.

Cellists are becoming an accepted part of the urban and rural landscape in Canada. Any major city is likely to have close to a hundred cellists, each located to provide service to the immediately surrounding area.

While some cellists are on easily visible towers, many of the newer ones are virtually invisible. Today, you might find a cellist unobtrusively perched on the cornice of a tall building, inside a bell tower or even on a church steeple. Tomorrow, innovative designs already on the drawing board will allow cellists to look like Palm trees, Douglas Firs or other vegetation which blends naturally into the environment.

Cellists are not dangerous. There has never been a recorded instance of anyone being damaged in any way by proximity to a cellist. In fact, a cellist can actually add to public safety in an area by providing good personal and emergency communications.

It has been suggested that cellists can cause a hazard when they are hit by lightning. The fact is that cellists are designed to be hit by lightning - so they actually protect nearby flammable structures. Modern cellists can easily withstand hundreds of lightning strikes and dissipate the electricity harmlessly into the ground.

COMPANYNAME takes all necessary precautions to prevent children climbing on our cellists. Sturdy fences surround cage-tower structures, and the smooth sides of the newer monopole designs make the cellists completely inaccessible to children or anyone else who is not properly equipped.

While a cellist on a tower may not be the most beautiful sight in the world, we do try to locate such structures in treed areas. Evidence from the real estate industry show that property values have not been hurt by the presence of a cellist nearby.

Unlike TV and commercial radio transmitters, cellists do not rely on blanketing an area with maximum power. Instead, they maintain a very low power level so as not to disturb other cellists in the area. This is particularly important in urban areas where cellists are usually very close together.

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